3. Heart Shaped Mesh

**Released in waves beginning in April 2021**
Field Collage is the second sound work by Tvordis Veeler. I call him my dead husband– I kept his name. Of course he was me. Scattered about are his little gifts to friends woven together from compulsively gathered audio.

I started with a room which I wanted to feel like a love letter. I left some letters from my book, which was intended as a comprehensive testament of my ignorance. Unedited and released continuously to friends who saw me clearly in it. My last diaries in the fury of my endogenous testosterone. A snapshot of a tinted lens in eternal transformation.

I made Provincial Skinflint from my immediately accessible environment of sounds while I was abroad, using the internet, my iPhone, and sounds generated by the Audacity software.

I made these sound collages in 2016/17. This was the first use of the name 'field collage' to describe this process of washing and sorting sounds from my world. I always saw these like foley for a movie that never happened, or a movie witnessed only by me, but which implicates many others in various crimes against art.

In 2015 I started using Audacity to generate confrontational and confusing sounds as Provincial Skinflint. Incongruity because I liked the grate of it. I suppose I had some things to be confront.

The old mask hurt. This was a way to scream without anyone screaming back. I came home as Tvordis. He was a very good mask. I was home from my first time abroad alone with a new me to be. I should have known that the solution to feeling masked is not to make a better mask, but I don't regret the effort.

I wanted to make presents for my friends. I wanted to be a person who makes presents for her friends. I genuinely don't know what pronoun is appropriate here. I was a girl who didn't know she was a girl, but I was cultivating a masculinity. What grew was a peculiar shape indeed. It was a performance which I realize now was too deliberate to be convincing. Nonetheless it delighted most participants in the work.

fc1 is a self portrait of the little rock I wanted to be when I started my 22 year old life again again. 40 seconds, just some nice water I found.

I listened to this album often and made sounds like this for myself regularly that I discarded when I was finished playing. It was the music I wanted to listen to. The trains in Paris, the rain everywhere, my friends in Chicago, myself the tiniest bit, speaking rarely but fumbling the recorder constantly. I am here, you don't need me to tell you.

When I field collage I usually wait until I've forgotten some of what was recorded where. It sparks my mental images to life much better than a typical picture. This is a project of memory and forgetting.