Dream, Time and Memory / Sonho, Tempo e Memória

Around the age of 5 I learned to do acrobatics, which aroused my interest in exploring my body, knowing its limits, and even going beyond. I was always hanging from trees, toys, benches, anything that left me suspended, upside down, that stretched my muscles, churned my blood. Don't be afraid to take risks. In a pirouette, shuffling the colors, merging the shapes. Concentrate on movement, precision, so you don't crash to the ground. Projecting the body in the position of a bridge and seeing everything upside down.

Something always wanted to change the way of relating to reality. The interaction between body and world. Imagine new worlds. Align soul, mind and body. Design bridges that take us to other places. Dying and being reborn in life, LIVE, every day. Transgress the norm. Create a new logic of existence. Transmute thought, transform mental forms, states and conditions into others. Breaking space-time to make the action present. Rescue through the child the multiplicity of possibilities that a body can be.

We arrive at a photograph in which I am with my grandmother Lucilda, also known as Babalu. On each grandson's or granddaughter's birthday, we would tape candies, lollipops, and gum to our clothes. On the day of the party, we would run across the courtyard and the children would follow us, snatching away the sweets.

I found in the photos, in my child's eyes, fragments of dreams, thoughts and desires that until I was 25 years old I didn't feel safe to live them in their entirety. That's why I took back every bullet that had been torn out, every memory, to build an idea of the past. Name this child: GUTA. A pronoun that contemplates SHE. An opportunity to materialize about herself everything she imagined alone and didn't know how to name. A transvestite identity.

I ask you to stay a little longer, we are reaching the end. If there is a point of arrival and departure.

What's playing in the background is a recording of a recital from 2008, when I played Ludwig van Beethoven's Sonata in the Moonlight, at the former Igreja Matriz de São Miguel, in Dois Irmãos. When I went on stage, my leg shook to the point where I couldn't step on the pedals, I lost myself in the score, but followed the music through improvised arrangements. One day, my teacher said “Imagine that you are playing for a cabbage plantation, nobody will know if you made a mistake, only you studied the music.”

I carry that phrase with me at different times when I find myself alone in environments where I can't find mine. I admire in the locks the bass and treble in the notes. The intensity and subtlety in strength. The rush and the calm in the rhythm. The cadence and offset of the metric. The fluidity of improvisation. Each with its own tone, but together composing arrangements that permeate everywhere. They don't even know when we're wrong because their ears weren't programmed to listen. We continue to develop new ways of communicating, creating, loving and crossing to seek new meanings. 

Hello!

Welcome!

My name is Guta. I'm a trans woman, white, I'm 1.76 m tall, with long curly hair and brown eyes. But, I already warn you, this self-description is not and does not intend to be finalized, as it continues in constant transformation.

I would like to invite you, accompany me on a search, in which I will guide you through memories of my childhood that I needed to rescue to build the subjective universe of my identity. A welcoming place for memory, dreams and time

Let's move around in this space using the “W” keys to move forward, “A” to the left side, “S” to go back, “D” to the right side, “E” to fly and “C” to descend. Let's know which part of the path we are on because as we approach the objects my voice will be in evidence and I will signal when we should move on.

In order not to get lost, we will go ahead, but this does not mean that the order of what will be presented corresponds to a linear narrative. Here, past, present and future interact simultaneously and generate new conditions of possibilities.